Codependency In Relationships versus
Caring
Far too often, I meet people who have been
trained to take care of others before honoring their own basic
needs. Many of us have been raised to believe that our
self-worth is determined by how well we please others --
typically the people we care most about in this world. Caring
for others is indeed a quality of the soul, but not caring for
yourself is a decision based on fear instead of love -- the
fear that you will meet with disapproval or be considered
selfish when you put yourself first.
What is the difference between
codependency in relationships and genuinely
caring for another?
I had to ask my angels. This is what they replied....
"Codependency in relationship occurs when one
chooses to please and take care of another at the expense of
their own authentic needs and desire. The codependent person
takes care of another because deep down they harbor a belief
that if they don't they are not a good person. The
codependent takes care of another because they will feel guilty
if they do not. The codependent has been raised or trained to
believe that their needs do not matter as much as the needs of
others.
.
Look deep within yourself. Ask if your
actions and service to others are driven by a joyous need to
share the good you have created in your own life. If so, this
is soul-level caring and love. You have created what you
require and your 'cup runneth over.' You have so much joy and
love in your life you must share because you cannot contain it
all. You are satisfied and you find true satisfaction in
sharing your time and resources to help those in need. This is
soulful giving.
However, if you find yourself giving from an
"empty cup" you will be exhausted, resentful, and feeling
guilty for desiring time to yourself. You may adopt a mentality
of martyrdom and feeli proud of your suffering for others, but
this is not soulful. This is the result of determining that you
will be disowned, unloved, or sinful if you put your own needs
on an equal priority with the needs of others. Sometimes
codependent behavior results when a person with good intent
judges others.... you see someone that "needs help" and you
determine you must save them without considering that perhaps
you are enabling their "victim mentality" and seeing that their
soul would be better served by leaving them to figure out their
own growth. Serve the soul rather than the personality at all
cost.
How will you know the difference between
codependency and true soul-level caring? The answer is quite
simple. True caring will fulfill you. It will raise you up into
a state of unconditional love and peace of
mind, knowing you are being of service in this world
while loving self and the other. Codependent behavior will
drain you. Some honest part of yourself will feel unfulfilled,
unappreciated, or exhausted.
If you find yourself exhibiting codependent
behavior, make a list of what is missing in your life -- rest,
proper nutrition, playtime, time for yourself. Write down your
unmet needs and do not judge whether or not they are important
"enough" because if you think of them they are important to
your soul. Make time for your needs first, and then you will be
able to give from an abundance of energy, love, and
compassion.
"Dear ones, we love
you and do not judge you. We honor your good intentions. We
will assist you when you call on us to help you heal the wounds
that would cause you to love others but not self. You are equal
to others, deserving of love, rest, compassion, fulfillment,
and joy just as much as they. Know you are deserving of all
good, and that God will make sure all souls are taken care of
in the highest manner they allow." -- The
angels.

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Decide exactly the service you intend to give in
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